The first time I knew being single was a full-time job was when I was sitting under a tree with a group of friends. They were talking about their boyfriends and with my years of experience as a single person (winks), I knew that was a warning sign. It meant stand up, run away and never return – at least till they were done gushing over the bread and egg their boyfriend bought for them last night.
I knew the signs too well but I didn’t have anywhere to go so I stayed back and listened to them. I assumed if I didn’t talk much, they wouldn’t remember to attack me. Hahaha. It ended in premium tears.
It all began when one of them noticed I wasn’t talking and she said, ‘did you notice that Yvonne hasn’t spoken for so long?’ Another told the group that it was because of the tragedy that is my singleness and that was when they decided to put my life on the table and serve me for dinner.
‘But Yvonne, why don’t you have a boyfriend?’ ‘You are a fine girl and you are smart. People would want to date you.’ ‘You even have really fine male friends so what’s the problem?’ ‘Are you waiting for marriage?’ ‘I know. You want to graduate with a first-class so you don’t want any distraction.’
While they asked these questions, I gave them answers of my own – well, in my head.
I don’t have a boyfriend because I don’t. I know I’m fine and people would want to date me. Even a mad woman is someone’s spec! I have fine male friends because birds of a feather flock together. The question should be: are they my spec or am I even their spec? If I am waiting for marriage, why is it giving you COVID-19 symptoms? Are you my ring bearer or bride’s maid?
The main distraction from getting a first-class result (leemao) is all these questions you are asking me. I would have used this time to read my anatomy textbook from the beginning to the end.
But I didn’t say all these in real life. It would have been a bit dramatic, don't you think? They were just worried, weren’t they? So I awkwardly smiled and said, ‘I have not found the right person.’
Another problem of being single is proud men. They think they are the world’s best species; that they were made in Jesus's bedroom and bathed in his soap before coming to earth to meet ordinary humans like you and I.
The first few contacts you have with them makes you feel you have a future with them. They are smart, tall, caring, have groomed fingernails, Angel Gabriel’s voice and smell like they truly used Jesus's soap to bathe. They are the perfect spec – a believer with the looks of a player.
Let me leave a short prayer for you before we continue: May human beings not disgrace you.
We may continue.
The first time you notice that they didn’t inherit the wisdom of Solomon is when they start behaving like they are giving you a ticket to an all-expense-paid trip to Bali by asking you to be their girlfriend. They say things like: I’m your ticket to a single-free life, date me or stay single and more.
Your main challenge would begin the moment you tell them that you do not want to be in a relationship with them. They either think you are stupid or you don’t play for the straight team. Don’t feel bad. Just put a smile on your face and keep walking. Don’t offer an explanation to someone who doesn’t deserve one.
Single on Valentine
You thought that was it to being single? Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you because the only thing that's worse than being single is being single on Valentine.
If you choose to stay in your room till the day is over, your roommates would keep on telling you how sad it is to spend your valentine alone or they would try to set you up with any friend they have – sane or insane. They would also remind you how you refused to be in a relationship with Michael and the consequence of that is your present loneliness.
If you choose to take yourself out, they may see you eating a slice of red velvet cake and drinking a glass of white wine in a beautiful restaurant with a smile on your face and the first thing that would cross their mind is pity. They would shake their heads from side to side, look at you for about twenty seconds and sigh heavily as though you are the less privileged. In their heads, they would say things like: Such a waste! If only she didn’t reject all the boys that came their way. If only!
What are your goals in life and how can being single help you achieve them?
Life purpose differs and some people's life purpose may be to have a partner that would buy them bread and egg. Others may be to convince people that they are lonely. But your purpose does not need to revolve only around being in a relationship. You may want to have a life aside that and that’s okay.
You may have dreams and aspirations that make you want to struggle to reach your goals. And if right now, you do not feel that being in a relationship should be in your year's manual, then, who are they to tell you otherwise?
Relationships are beautiful. Imagine having to wake up to a man singing the hymn to you in Angel Gabriel’s voice? A girl that would buy you PS 5? We all want that but what are your goals? What do you intend on achieving right now? Are you working towards that? Is there a future?
Find your purpose in life first and if a relationship comes while at it, do whatever you wish.
Can being single be a gift?
People sometimes forget that being prepared for things sometimes guarantee their success. It is the same when it comes to relationships. You know that you are toxic; you cannot handle giving yourself to a person; you don’t know how to communicate; your mood swings sometimes drive you to pick up a knife and you are looking for a relationship? Lmao!
That's why singleness can be what's best for you at the moment.
Take a step back and re-evaluate. Are you your spec’s spec? You like Timini Egbuson but would Timini Egbuson want to date you? Would you want to date you?
If your reply to every question isn’t yes, then, being single could actually be a good thing for you. It means time to work on you; to become emotionally intelligent; to learn how to communicate better; to learn how to accommodate people; how to be committed to someone or how to shoot your shots when you like someone.
For those that are always quick to ask people why they are single, please stop. It is rude, weird and intrusive.
PS: If you want to be in a relationship, that's okay but if you don't want to be in one at the moment or haven't found a suitable partner, that's okay too.
Thank you for reading. Drop your thoughts on the struggles of being single. Do you think it is rude to ask why a person is single? Tell me tales of your single life. I would love to read your stories.